How many Bible verses, Mama?

The relatives used to say, “She peaked too soon; a baby born that beautiful has already exhausted all of her beauty,” but as the years rolled by, Esther, the only child of Wilma Sue and Robert Stanley became the prettiest senior at Mississippi High School. Every morning her small clique of girlfriends gathered on the steps of the school just waiting for her to appear.  Boys would constantly stall in front of their lockers hoping to steal a glimpse of the long-legged beauty as she passed by, leaving the scent of her body lotion to provoke their imaginations. Esther was well aware of her authority and did what was expected of her. She strolled through the corridors with a snobbish attitude associating only with the elite students and the teachers who recognized her 140 IQ level for what it was…extraordinary. Everything at school seemed to be extraordinary for Esther.  She felt special, and felt free to exhibit her God given gift of beauty.  However, her situation at home was quite the contrary.

The Stanley household, population of three, always seemed to be well guarded, not in a security sense but in an over protective way of keeping itself pure and sanctimonious.  Bible study was a constant among the trio and bible verses were frequently used as an assignment for discipline. Leaving food on your plate?   “Memorize three verses on thanksgiving.” Dozing off in church? “Memorize six on sloth.” A blouse unbuttoned too low? “Memorize fifteen verses on vanity.” Esther’s home life was governed by the principles of the Old Testament; it was under the law. The Ten Commandments were posted above the only two mirrors in the house, one in the bathroom because her father needed it for shaving and one in the hallway because it was a common area.  Esther enjoyed admiring herself in the mirror, even though she knew the penalty would always be fifteen bible verses.  -“Vanity will not be tolerated under my roof!” her father, the bible toting Baptist, constantly barked, whereas her God fearing mother would simply say, “Esther you should know better.” Esther did indeed know better, she knew she could not dress like the other girls, wear makeup or style her hair in a way that was becoming.  But she was a clever girl;  She knew the only way to bypass her unjust restrictions would be to dress at home according to the law, and dress the way she wanted to inside of an old abandoned shed not far from her house.

One late afternoon while Esther’s parents were away, Esther decided to strip down to her bra and panties. She untied her hair, shook it loose and took off running through the relaxing atmosphere of a now silent house.  She ran as far as the stairwell and without hesitation, straddled the banister and slid all the way down to the bottom. Landing on her feet, she continued into the dining room and turned the radio on to her favorite hip-hop station. “Let’s bring the roof down!” she shouted while she danced to what her father called “The devil’s music.”  As she frolicked her way back to the hallway, she stopped in front of the mirror and pretended to be on stage performing before a live audience.  Unbeknownst to her, she was performing in front of a live audience… her Uncle Albert. Albert Stanley Jr., Robert’s estranged younger brother, was an early morning jogger who knew the daily routine of most families in the neighborhood, especially Esther’s.  He found out about his niece’s double life and her secret dressing room merely by accident. One morning during his usual jog, he spotted her going into the abandoned shack alone.  Being curious, he hid out of sight, suspecting some young boy would probably be showing up soon. However in no time at all, Esther emerged as a completely different girl.  As soon as he saw the provocative outfit she was wearing he understood her need for deception. “Wow, look at her… She’s beautiful,” he thought as he stood there with a lustful mind fighting the urge to fondle himself. From that day forward Albert’s mornings began with a different agenda; an agenda that always put him in the vicinity of the abandoned shack.  He had become a stalker.

A few days later he devised a scheme to try and gain the trust of his niece; he went to the mall searching all the trendy shops for a perfect gift to entice her with. After purchasing a cute little dress recommended by a sales lady, he drove to the high school and parked his car across the street.  Although there were students everywhere, it wasn’t difficult for him to find his niece. “Esther!” he cried out drawing her attention away from the circle of friends surrounding her.  For a moment Esther was horrified but then she remembered the estranged relationship between the brothers, and realized there was nothing for her to worry about, especially since both her parents considered Uncle Albert to be an ungodly man who was destined for hell.

“Uncle Al, what brings you here?” Albert reached for the shopping bag sitting on the passenger seat. “Well…the other day I saw you and your girlfriends hanging out in the mall, and I noticed you were the only one not carrying a shopping bag; you looked so sad I decided to do something about it.  Here, this is for you.” Albert handed the bag to Esther but it took a few seconds before she accepted it; -she was excited yet confused. The last time she spoke to her uncle was about three years ago before he was ostracized from the family.

“Let’s just call it a belated birthday, Christmas or whatever gift.” He smiled. “Go ahead, look inside. I hope I got your size right.”  Esther looked across the street to see if her friends were watching. “Can I sit in your car and open this?” “Absolutely!” Albert reached over to unlock the door, and Just as Esther was about to get inside, one of her friends cried out. “Where are you going Esther?” “No worries, I’m not going anywhere. My uncle wants to talk to me.” Esther climbed into the car and quickly pulled the dress out of the bag. “Wow! I can’t believe it, it’s beautiful!” she said as she kissed him on the cheek to say. “Thank you.” Albert was pleased with himself. He did what he came there to do.

As the weeks rolled by, Esther’s secret wardrobe increased considerably; due to the generosity of her uncle she no longer had to improvise a dress code.  The relationship between her and her uncle also grew, she began to trust him; she trusted him enough to not only tell him of her secret hideout but to actually take him there. It was on a Friday afternoon that the two of them entered the shack together for the first time. “This isn’t too bad; as a matter of fact it’s kind of cozy,” Albert said, noticing the personal touches Esther had applied to the dilapidated hut; he also noticed the small open closet where his contributions were hung. Esther felt compelled to offer some kind of an explanation.    “I only come here to change my clothes before and after school; I wouldn’t dream of coming in here for anything else.”  Albert was not the least bit interested in what she had said; he was too busy calculating his next move.  Suddenly he observed a dusty old bean bag chair lying in the corner; he slowly inched his way to it and casually sat down.

“I wouldn’t sit on that dirty old thing!” Esther shouted.

“Why not, it feels comfortable. Come over here and check it out.” Esther started to feel a little uncomfortable. She could not understand why he would want to sit down in such dirty, musty place. “I think we should leave now Uncle Al.”

“Not yet. Why don’t you put on that cute little red dress I brought for you?”

Esther snickered. “Don’t be ridiculous!-” she replied.

“Ridiculous! Who the hell are you calling ridiculous?”
Esther stood there frozen in fear as she watched her uncle transform into something dark and ugly; her mind was telling her to run but her body would not respond. She felt as if she were part of a “Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” horror film.  Albert was now on his feet screaming obscenities. “You little whore! You didn’t think I was ridiculous when I was buying you clothes, did you!”  Esther tried to speak but couldn’t. She wanted to give the clothes back, but what good would that do?  Suddenly Albert took her by the hair, dragged her over to the bean bag chair and threw her down. “You’ve been begging for this.” He said crawling on top of her. “No… No!.. Stop!…Please stop!” Esther pleaded to no avail. As Albert struggled to undo his pants, Esther with the strength of a child tried to defend herself; however, the more she fought the more aroused her attacker became. He tried to kiss her on the mouth but each time she turned her face away; with his orgasm on the cusp he grabbed her by the throat and demanded her not to move.  Esther laid there helpless with her eyes shut tight as her strong, athletic Uncle abused her virginal body.  The pain was excruciating, in her mind she tried to recall at least one bible verse but the agony was too much of a challenge. “Jesus, Jesus.” She repeated over and over again until finally unconsciousness released her from the pain. When Esther came to, she was covered in a filthy old canvas drop cloth, appropriate for the way she felt.  It was her throat that bothered her more than anything until she tried to stand up. Her legs were so wobbly they could not support her body; she fell to the floor and instinctively pulled her knees up to her chest and stayed there in a fetal position afraid to move.

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Repulsive, disgusting, vile and revolting were only a few of the emotional responses that robbed Albert of his sleep that night; his bed felt like a waiting room for Hell, a principality of darkness filled with evil spirits. He found it almost impossible to fathom his premeditated course of wickedness. “How could I have violated my own niece? Did I hate my brother that much?” He jumped out of bed and started pacing the floor; his mind was screaming for him to inflict pain on himself. “Cut your wrist! Cut your throat! You deserved to be castrated!” He tried to block out the voices by covering his ears, but the voices became even louder. His heart was beating so fast it felt like a heart attack. “Dear Lord, forgive me!” he cried out until the voices delivered a different message; a message with only one word….”Repent.”

The following day Esther tried to avoid everyone; she came up with all sorts of ways to keep those close to her at a distance.  The only good thing about her situation was the fact that it was Saturday and she didn’t have school to contend with.  Her parents were a little concerned when she did not come down for breakfast or for lunch but they concluded she probably had menstrual cramps; after all, according to their calendar it was that time of the month.  “Esther, your father and I are leaving for church now.  Will you be okay?”  Mrs. Stanley shouted up from the stairwell.

“I’ll be fine,” Esther replied.   As soon as she heard the front door close she felt it was safe enough to leave her room; she mustered up enough energy to carry her as far as the stairwell.  Once she reached the stairs, she held on to the banister as if her life depended on it.  Step by step she eased her way down to the bottom and rested on the chair next to the mirror. “Forgive me Father for I have sinned…” she prayed. But her prayers were more like a ritual.  She wasn’t actually praying, she was reciting the same words over and over again.

Suddenly she noticed a large silhouette at the window.  With a sudden surge of energy she bolted into the kitchen and grabbed a knife; without hesitation she ran to the door and flung it open.

“Esther, I just wanted to …”

Before Albert could complete his sentence Esther plunged the steel blade into his stomach.  “How many bible verses, Mama?”  she shouted as she removed the knife only to stab him again.  “How many bible verses, Mama? “ ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Epilogue
At the end of the story the emotional capacities of both characters have shifted considerable; Esther displayed a lack of empathy while Albert displayed an abundance of remorse.   Albert’s emotional expression of remorse was fueled by guilt and regret, whereas Esther’s agony was fueled by her secrets and gullibility.  When it came to praying, why was it easier for Albert to petition God’s help than it was for Esther?

As a child Albert was encouraged to pray; he and his brother both accepted Jesus at a very early age. Albert went astray when he could no longer cope with the pious behavior of his older brother who he was often compared too.  Esther, on the other hand, was forced to pray; she and her parents routinely gathered for Bible study, a practice that Esther secretly despised. In both cases waywardness can easily be applied.

In Luke 15: 11-32, “The parable of the lost son,” we read that, after the younger son squanders his early inheritance on wild living, he becomes so destitute that he craves the food assigned to the pigs.  But once he finally comes to his senses he returns to his father’s house, and in humility asks for forgiveness and mercy.  The father, who had been watching and waiting, received his son back with open arms. Meanwhile, the older son who stayed at home with his father was not at all happy with the special attention that was being bestowed on his rebellious brother.

For the sake of the story, let’s call Albert the prodigal son, Esther the dedicated son who stayed at home, and the earthly father our Heavenly Father.

Albert instinctively turned to our Heavenly Father in his time of desperation.  Even though he had strayed from his Christian beliefs his soul knew the truth and was fighting to return home for the grace of God.

Esther on the other hand was unaware of God’s grace and His unmerited favor. Even though she had always been surrounded by Christian beliefs, her soul was hinged to the Mosaic Covenant. She believed her deceitful deeds made her too unworthy to approach our Heavenly Father; so in her time of desperation she could only pray from her mind and not from her heart. Consider this: When Esther was confronted with the evil side of her uncle, she felt like a wicked sinner and partly responsible for her situation; however, during the molestation she cried out, from her heart to Jesus, and through God’s grace solaces was provided. God is omnipresent (everywhere at one time.) and for the believer so is His grace. Grace is a gift from God which cannot be earned, and it is always available to us. As in “The parable of the lost son,” the father, who had been watching and waiting, received his son back with open arms, so too is our Heavenly Father watching and waiting with open arms to bless us..

V.M. Calamese