Who said, “I never met a man I didn’t like”?
Not me, because one appeared at my door last night. 

He arrived an hour early, not wise for a blind date.
The flowers that he gave me were cheap and clearly fake.

“These will last forever,” his voice softly said.
Thoughts of getting rid of him started running through my head. 

The brawny aroma of his dime store cologne
Became dreadfully apparent as he made himself known.

“My name is Mr. Brown, are you going to invite me in?”
Said the odd little man, with a big obnoxious grin.

Before I could answer, “Yes come in, Mr. Brown.”
The arrogant little man was already sitting down.

Perched like a hawk waiting for his prey,
He gave me good reason to find my pepper spray.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt,
But the situation worsened when he took a cigarette out.

Each tiny puff was followed by a cough.
This loathsome little man completely turned me off.

I went into my bedroom to call a friend for help.
The only advice she offered was “deal with what was dealt”.

I would ask him to leave; what do I have to lose?
But when I returned to the room he had taken off his shoes.

“Come sit down beside me, you beautiful sexy thing!”
As I heard the words leave his mouth all I could do was scream.

“How dare you make presumptions!  You horny little bore.”
I picked his tiny shoes up and threw them out the door.

He ran from the house with the speed of a gazelle
And never once looked back… My blind date from hell.